Markets Scream Higher After Powell Flashes His Fat Stack Of Bills

As the S&P advanced 0.9% the moment awestruck investors saw all the bills spread out in a dramatic fan, financial experts confirmed that the U.S. stock market rallied significantly Wednesday following the Federal Reserve chairman Jay Powell’s flamboyant display of a huge wad of cash. “Holy shit is that a fat stack, and all hundreds, too. Okay, this Fed chief guy must be loaded,”

Illustration for article titled Market Rallies After Fed Chief Shows Off Huge Wad Of Cash

the Onion