Speaking For Those Who Already Wear Sunscreen, Biden’s Say He’s Losing Patience With Jerks Who Don’t Lather Up

President Biden today issued a new executive order mandating that every single American be covered with sunscreen, in order to protect the good Americans who are already wearing sunscreen.

“I am really, really starting to lose my patience with these jerks that don’t wear the sunscreen,” said a visibly angry President Biden. “You have failed me one time too many. It’s time for some serious consequences, Jack!”